Personal style is like a secret treasure map in a adventure movie – when you hold the map in just the right light the obvious path is moved and the path to what you’re really looking for appears. Personal style is like that. Most of us aren’t aware of the obvious messages we’re sending, let alone the secret map underneath.

You could say everything right, but if your non-verbal cues aren’t matched up, you could send a totally different message – one that you may not want to send. If that happens, there aren’t any words you can speak to make up for what your body is screaming. The goals communicating effectively and with style, then, are to speak clearly and to match your words with your body language. How can you do this, every time? Here’s a few suggestions, do you have any others?

1. Match your words with your gestures and be engaged in the conversation. You may be in a bar talking to your boss and a beautiful women might be standing right behind him. If you’re doing this right, you would be saying, “What beautiful woman?”
2. Hold back; measure your words and when they’re spoken. Michael R. Losey says, “The problem with most people is that they come on too strong in the beginning. They’re so intent on expressing themselves that they don’t realize that it’s not always what you say but when you say it that matters. My advice is to be cordial and polite in conversation or a meeting but to hold back on your important thoughts until the group needs a conclusion or consensus.”
3. Listen. Simple enough, right? Wrong. Why else do women complain that we never listen (hint: we don’t.)?! Lend and ear. Nature gave you two ears and one mouth so that you can listen twice as much as you speak. Attentive listening implies that you’re sincere and that you care about what the other person is saying. Listening, then responding in turn, implies that you care about what the other person is saying.
4. Be a verbal copy-writer. The words you choose say a lot about who you are and effect how intelligent people think you are. Grow and pay attention to your vocabulary so you have the ability to choose your words correctly. Collect new words like you’d collect stamps and use them WHEN NECESSARY. But be careful though. Throwing around big words when simple words do the trick can send the wrong message. You’ll appear pretentious or pompous…or worse if you use words when you don’t understand their true meaning.
5. Speak with a purpose and please use sentences. Speak as you write. How many, like, times in a, like, email would you, like, use the word ‘like’? Hopefully none (unless you’re comparing two things to each other: the widget looks like a battery.). Let people hear the punctuation – the commas and the periods – because your favorite people to listen to are those who speak in grammatically correct sentences.

Do you know anyone who is a great conversationalist? Sit and listen to them sometime. Just observe and learn. Take what you see them doing and practice it on friends first – get the kinks out. Then take it to the office and watch the respect from your co-workers grow!

There’s a story of an old Zen master who would dramatically hold up one finger every time someone asked him for the secret to enlightenment.

One day, the master learned that his closest assistant was answering questions about enlightenment the same way, so he dragged the young monk into his chambers and cut off his assistant’s offending finger.

The master turned to the monk and asked, “Now then, what is the secret to enlightenment?”

The young assistant went to raise his finger, as he had done before, but it wasn’t there. He smiled, for in that instant, he realized that enlightenment means knowing how to be yourself.

Being yourself and your own man often means that you have hobbies, achievements, even friends that are unique. This should be a point of pride, but not a point to brag about. Think about the men you respect most – you’ve come to find out that they own a business, climb mountains, run marathons, always wear the finest clothes and have time for a Manhattan with you. You don’t respect these men because they brag about all of these things. They earn your respect because they appear normal just like you and me – letting their actions speak for themselves.

This person carries himself with dignity and humility; he does what he does not to impress others but to make himself happy. What do you do that makes you happiest? Take a moment to think about it and then figure out a way to do it even more! Start a conversation by sharing your hobbies here.

“Style is a person who understands what he can wear and how to put it together in a way that no one else can…It’s being able to create your own image in a way that draws attention to your better features without making you look ridiculous.” – Marvin Pieland

Is it too much to wear a scarf with a bow tie with a sweater with a jacket with clown shoes? Maybe. But, then again maybe not. Does it make you look ridiculous or feel self conscious? If you can wear those things and feel totally comfortable, then I think you just found your new style – God speed! Not many people could wear what Steven Tyler wears, but he couldn’t wear what a lot of other people wear either. It just wouldn’t be right.

When we look at other people we may see what they’re wearing. But what we’re not seeing is what they’re telling us about themselves by what they’re wearing. A guy in a losing teams’ football jersey is a person who has a deep passion for what he believes in and is a loyal person (to a fault perhaps). A high school kid with skinny jeans is expressing himself and his rebellious youth, even if that means enduring extreme discomfort. A professional in a suit wearing Tea Green Prescott’s is a person who values both himself, the quality of his work and his individuality – watch out for him because he’ll be changing the world.

Just like a book, the cover is only two pages of the story. There is much more to a person’s style than meets the eye. As you look around this week, observe people and what they’re wearing. Try to see what they are telling the world. At the same time, look at yourself in the mirror and ask, what does my style say about me? Does it match? Have a great week and remember to like us on Facebook and follow us on Twitter for more great fashion tips and tricks!

What do these comfortable and fashionable shoes say about you?